Tip for surviving a pensplosion

6 Nov

Tip for surviving a pensplosion:

Some pens have suicidal tendencies. Mostly, these are the fancy-shmance ink pens boast features like “ultrafine nibs” and “liquid ink”. So yes, pensplosions suck, but are the direct result of you being to good for the lowly, but dependable ball point pen. Unfortunately a pensplosion can happen at any time, but due to the capricious nature of the cubicle gods, usually occur when you’re wearing anything new, expensive, or difficult to clean.

Once a pensplosion occurs, the urge to scratch your face will immediately follow. Fight it! This will only exacerbate an already crappy situation. Also, resist the urge to keep your now-defective favorite pen. Pens don’t recover from exploding, nor can you apply some scotch tape and expect it to not re-explode. Instead, man up, toss your pen, and move on to cleaning up the inky mess it left behind.

Do not hastily grab a paper towel and start wiping, this will do nothing but smear the ink around  in a huge black streak on your desk. Instead go ask anal-retentive guy two cubes over for his his windex and wet-wipes. Or, if you’re feeling ballsy, go grab the coffee-mug-washing sponge from the kitchenette. Just remember to squeeze out most of the ink before you replace it or run the risk of pissing off the Kitchenette Nazi (Kitchenette Nazi’s are notoriously passive-aggressive and will most likely retaliate by taping up a sign about respecting kitchen sponges).

As for your clothes, you’re most likely screwed, since according to the above  rule whatever you’re wearing is probably new, expensive, or difficult to clean. Just chalk it up to a loss and move on.

The silver lining to your pensplosion cloud, is that if you followed the above suggestions you should now have a bright and shiny-clean spot on your desk. Go ahead and enjoy it, that’s probably the cleanest you’ve seen your desk since you plopped down your first pad of post-its there however long ago.

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