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Office Adventure: Make A New Year’s Resolution

29 Dec

My New Year’s resolution is: Be less social media-ly retarded. Kind of ironic for a blogger, no?

I like to think I can  hold my own socially out there in the “real world”, but take me online and things go to hell in a hand-basket quickly. I turn into the kid that blurts weird things out at inappropriate times, mixed with that person who stares at you dumbly when you try to start a conversation. This is not a savvy combination.

Of course there are outside forces that compound this issue. For one, though my work is conducive for inspiring blogging, it is non-condusive for actually being a blogger. Crazy right? And thanks to a totalitarian firewall system and an anti-smartphone policy, I can’t even sneak some lunch-break blog perusals and comment replies. Madness. (Although, as Mr. Rubin over at The Mainland has pointed out, work time is a great time to edit blog posts, this doesn’t necessarily further my social media skills).

After I get home from work I’m all cranky, and don’t feel like battling for my stake of the internet connection, and my mouse hand is tired. We’ll stop here for a minute so everyone can inject some comment about first world problems and world’s smallest violin.

So right now my weekday online blogging hours are Monday-Friday 5:45-6:30 am (depending on how long it takes me to microwave my oatmeal). Which doesn’t leave me as much time to comment and peruse WordPress as I’d like.

You want to know worst part though? My mother has a blog, The Yard Art Game (currently on hiatus as she recovers from surgery). It is about bad yard-art and quite hilarious (hilarious-ness runs in our family of course), but I don’t even comment on my own mother’s blog! This moderately gnaws at my conscious.

How am I going to resolve these issues? No idea! But I plan to tackle it in the same unfounded optimism that seems to have served me pretty adequately in life so far.

What are your New Year’s resolutions?

As for the sharkable, I couldn’t figure out how to portray a social media-ly awkward shark, so I fell back on the ever-popular fitness resolution. Besides, who doesn’t love a shark on a treadmill? I had a blast drawing it though. I had a whole montage scene playing in my head to “Eye of the Tiger”, with him doing push-ups, and step aerobics, and sweating to the oldies. He get’s super-fit about 1:25 into it.

Office Adventure: Getting A New Work Computer

21 Dec

Office Adventure: Getting  A New Work Computer

Getting a new work computer is a confusing experience

On one hand its seems like it should be a fun thing. Who doesn’t like new computers? They’re all shiny, and fast, and all those other things that make getting a new personal computer exciting. You may even get a new monitor, flat screen or widescreen if you’re lucky, and it’ll arrive at your desk in boxes. Getting something in a box is fun. It means it’s cool and new and you’re the lucky person who gets the opportunity to start slowly deteriorating its pristine condition.

However, despite all these semi-cool factors, in reality getting a new work computer is less than thrilling. For one, you don’t actually get to do anything cool with your work computer. Turns out when you get a computer at work, you’re expected to do work on it. Also, the only thing really affected by that fresh new speediness is the load times of your various Excel spreadsheets and Access databases. And now you  no longer get to throw out the excuse that it’ll take you longer to do something because you have a slow, old computer.

So, getting the optimum happiness out of a new work computer depends on finding a balance between the good and bad, and finding small joys in the overall lameness of the situation.

For one, if you get updated to a new version of MS Office, that opens you up to a whole smorgasbord of new fonts and animations to use on PowerPoint slides. Ooooh!

Also, new computer usually means new keyboard, which means you finally get to rid yourself of that damn, sticky “N” key that came about when your gummi-snack got wedged between the “N” and the spacebar.

In addition, you may be able to finagle a new mouse or keyboard pad out of the situation. Maybe even one with an ergonomic lump on it. Fancy!

So next time you’re due for an upgrade, embrace it with lukewarm excitement, bask in the small things, and be amazed as your mood marginally improves!

Office Adventure: Explore the Office Supply Closet

15 Nov

At some point during the work day time comes to a stand-still and we find ourselves entrapped in a state of utter brain-deadness. This phenomena has been given many names such as, “hitting a wall” “running out of steam” or “that 2:30 feeling”. Luckily there’s a few options for combating this dreaded slump including :

1) grab a 5 Hour Energy(TM)
2)crawl under your desk and take a nap* 
3) go on an Office Adventure

In my opion, Office Adventures are the most beneficial pick-me-up because they’re free and you can often look semi-productive while doing them.

Today’s Office Adventure is Exploring the Office Supply Closet/Cabinet/Drawer. Supply closets are one of the least appreciated yet (sadly) most entertaining places to visit in the office. In fact, they can become virtual treasure troves of obscure and entertaining items, especially if the office aid is given liberal access to the supply catalog and budget.

Some of my favorite Desk Treasures have included: a FULL set of scented markers (I decided not to be greedy and only took Chocolate), a leather-bound day planner (which I stopped using after 2 weeks when I realized Outlook was performing the same job for me, only better), and a rubber finger page turner thingy (which I’ve never used since 95% of my “paperwork” is digital, but still).

Even if you can’t find any Desk Treasures, you should at least be able to scrounge up a pack of neon post-its or two. I don’t know about you, but a fresh pack of post-its always brightens my day. Sometimes achieving cubicle happiness is about enjoying the small things. The very small things.

And Remember, highlighting a document in green has been proven to be at least 75% more entertaining than highlighting a document in yellow.

*Note: I’m not exaggerating on this one, I know someone who does this. He’s got a blanket and pillow under his desk and everything, so it IS a viable option.

Office Adventure: Explore the Kitchenette Freezer

8 Nov

Office Adventure: Explore the Kitchenette Freezer

Kitchenette freezers primarily serve as receptacles for dessert leftovers from retirement parties and the annual potluck. Once a treat has been stowed in the freezer there’s generally  a 2 hour waiting period before it’s completely forgotten. This is due to the fact that Kitchenette freezers are rarely utilized, and therefore rarely opened (the only exception to this rule is those people who like to stow a month’s worth of Lean Pockets in the freezer at a time instead of just bringing lunch in daily like everyone else). Treats can hibernate this way for months on end, never moving and slowly accumulating a furry crust of freezer burn. The only was this cycle ends is either the Kitchenette Nazi takes it upon themselves to clean the freezer, or someone retires and the freezer is cleared for their dessert leftovers. And the cycle begins anew.

This is great news though for those of us who are daring, adventurous, and not perturbed by scavenging for food.  So next time you’re feeling bored, hungry, or cheap (or all three!) try freezer diving. You can almost always at least find a freezy-pop or two behind the pile of Lean Pockets. Just knock off any excessive clumps of freezer burn and voilà! Instant frozen bliss.