Tag Archives: etiquette

Office Survival Tip: Donut Etiquette

14 Dec

Office Survival Tip: Donut Etiquette

Nohing turns around a bad morning like the gift of donuts. That presentation you’re about to give on your failing project seems a lot less like a slow descent into the inner circles of hell when you’ve got a piping hot glazed halo of joy in your hand. Well, unless you’re on a diet, then donuts are a lose/lose situation, rife with guilt daggers. Take one, spoil your diet and wallow in the ensuing guilt; or refuse the donut and be the victim of your co-workers guilt tactics for not joining them in their donut-gasm.

If your office is gifted with a donut bounty and you decide to partake, be sure to follow correct donut etiquette.

Such as, never leave a partial donut. Chopping it into halves or quarters or whatever your mental diet-approved size is can be viewed as particularly annoying by anyone without the same donut serving size reference. It also brings up awkward questions like: is there something wrong with that particular donut half? Did she break that off with her hands? Should I take a half a donut too? What if I took two different halves to make a super donut? See. You don’t want to subject anyone to that mental can of worms. Either commit to the donut, or don’t. No matter what size the serving, you’re still popping a sugar and lard encrusted pastry into your mouth, which probably goes against whatever health kick you may be on anyways. So just accept and enjoy it for what it is.

Also, don’t be too greedy with the number of donuts you partake of (unless you were the Bringer of Donuts, then you may eat from the donut box to your heart’s content, you benevolent soul). One is expected. Two is allowed if there are extras. Three is greedy. Besides, the more times you return to the donut box, the more likely you are to become embroiled in the tricky situation known as a Mexican donut stand-off.

A Mexican donut stand-off occurs when two people approach the last donut in the donut box at the exact same time, thereby causing much awkwardness as they try to determine who gets said donut in a politically correct manner.

If you find yourself caught in a Mexican donut stand-off, the trick is to offer the other party the donut first. To immediately grab for the donut would be rude and against donut etiquette. If they are a true donut sportsman, the other party will return your offer with their own for you to have the last donut. You can then accept and claim your prize. This is the only way to get the last donut without looking like an ass. If  you offer up the donut and they take it immediately, well, then you know they’re not a true donut sportsman and should be avoided during Donut Wednesdays from here on out.

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