Office Survival Tip: Donut Etiquette

14 Dec

Office Survival Tip: Donut Etiquette

Nohing turns around a bad morning like the gift of donuts. That presentation you’re about to give on your failing project seems a lot less like a slow descent into the inner circles of hell when you’ve got a piping hot glazed halo of joy in your hand. Well, unless you’re on a diet, then donuts are a lose/lose situation, rife with guilt daggers. Take one, spoil your diet and wallow in the ensuing guilt; or refuse the donut and be the victim of your co-workers guilt tactics for not joining them in their donut-gasm.

If your office is gifted with a donut bounty and you decide to partake, be sure to follow correct donut etiquette.

Such as, never leave a partial donut. Chopping it into halves or quarters or whatever your mental diet-approved size is can be viewed as particularly annoying by anyone without the same donut serving size reference. It also brings up awkward questions like: is there something wrong with that particular donut half? Did she break that off with her hands? Should I take a half a donut too? What if I took two different halves to make a super donut? See. You don’t want to subject anyone to that mental can of worms. Either commit to the donut, or don’t. No matter what size the serving, you’re still popping a sugar and lard encrusted pastry into your mouth, which probably goes against whatever health kick you may be on anyways. So just accept and enjoy it for what it is.

Also, don’t be too greedy with the number of donuts you partake of (unless you were the Bringer of Donuts, then you may eat from the donut box to your heart’s content, you benevolent soul). One is expected. Two is allowed if there are extras. Three is greedy. Besides, the more times you return to the donut box, the more likely you are to become embroiled in the tricky situation known as a Mexican donut stand-off.

A Mexican donut stand-off occurs when two people approach the last donut in the donut box at the exact same time, thereby causing much awkwardness as they try to determine who gets said donut in a politically correct manner.

If you find yourself caught in a Mexican donut stand-off, the trick is to offer the other party the donut first. To immediately grab for the donut would be rude and against donut etiquette. If they are a true donut sportsman, the other party will return your offer with their own for you to have the last donut. You can then accept and claim your prize. This is the only way to get the last donut without looking like an ass. If  you offer up the donut and they take it immediately, well, then you know they’re not a true donut sportsman and should be avoided during Donut Wednesdays from here on out.

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13 Responses to “Office Survival Tip: Donut Etiquette”

  1. Rob Rubin December 14, 2011 at 8:20 am #

    I don’t know what it is about donuts that makes people go nuts at work. One of my coworkers has a severe gluten allergy, but bring a box of Krispy Kremes in and she’s got glaze on her face before the box is even open.

    Glad to see you got your laptop issues resolved. I missed the sharks.

    • sharkables December 15, 2011 at 6:11 am #

      Maybe not resolved, but at least postponed. Luckily this will give me plenty of time to completely over-analyze the entire laptop marketplace before going with a pure gut decision.

      But mmmmm Krispy Kremes…the cotton candy of donuts…How could anyone resist?

  2. Sandra Parsons December 14, 2011 at 8:29 am #

    Huzzah! The sharks are back! I remember my office days and how much more bearable they became when someone brought in food. Donuts, chocolates, any sweets really. Just the right stuff to make you forget about your weight-gain related stress.
    Great post, thank you for the laugh!

    • sharkables December 15, 2011 at 6:15 am #

      It is kind of a vicious circle isn’t it? Cookies are my thing. I may be able to pass up a box of donuts, but bring in a tray of cookies and their delicious chocolatey chunks get me every time

  3. The Background Story December 14, 2011 at 10:23 am #

    Either commit to the donut, or don’t.

    This applies to most of real life, too.

    And I say this as I munch on a well-deserved Krispy Kreme right this moment. Nomnom.

    • sharkables December 15, 2011 at 6:17 am #

      Thanks for pointing that out, I feel all wise and sage-like now for writing it.

      I hope you enjoyed your air-puffed donut of goodness, nothing quite like a Krispy Kreme!

  4. Cap'n Stephel December 14, 2011 at 1:38 pm #

    Mmmmmm…doughnuuuuuts….
    (now I’m all hungry)

    • sharkables December 15, 2011 at 6:19 am #

      My B! I felt the same way after about the 27th time I typed the word “donut”.

      • Cap'n Stephel December 15, 2011 at 11:02 am #

        Haha! Now I wonder if pumpkin doughnut season is over yet. I will have to find out

  5. Nicolle December 14, 2011 at 3:08 pm #

    I’ve never been a fan a donuts and as such I don’t ever commit to them. I’m thankful that at my work, there’s always an offering of cookies, chocolate, cake and more, especially now during the holidays.

    Although, It would be interesting to see people involved in a Mexican Donut stand-off.

    • sharkables December 15, 2011 at 6:20 am #

      If you’re that curious, place a box with a single donut in the kitchenette right before lunch, and watch the awkwardness ensue as people start to flood in to get their food.

  6. brooktrout December 14, 2011 at 9:16 pm #

    LOL @ “Is there something wrong with that particular donut half? Did she break that off with her hands?” — my thoughts exactly. No one touches it until it’s the last one.

    It’s a nice consolation prize in a Mexican Donut stand-off, though–at least, if you win. I mean, I’d be a nice prize for the other person.

    • sharkables December 15, 2011 at 6:22 am #

      I know right? Haha it really is like a consolation prize. No one wants that last donut half and I’m 95% sure the person who finally ends up taking it is the one who broke it off in the first place.

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